A week ago I had a little meltdown – one of those, I’m not okay and I can no longer pretend I am. Everything I have tried to be – strong, courageous, positive, etc – crumbled to dust. I am not okay. I am broken. I am not coping.
I could no longer pretend that my drive to succeed was enough. I was at a low. I felt frustrated and angry at the failed attempts. I felt like I kept trying and the more I tried, the less things would work.
The past 18 months had taken its toll and I was not longer in control of my life. The more I tried to be in control, the less I was. The more my life spun out of control, the more I tried to hold on. I know I need to surrender to God. Give Him full control. But how do I do that?
This blog is about being brave enough to be broken. It is about asking questions such as “how am I supposed to just give up and surrender?” and “what if my faith is not enough?”.
“Let go of your concerns! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth.” (Psalm 46:10 GW)
Truth is, I’m scared.
For so long I’ve tried to be strong, that surrendering will mean I am weak. Perhaps it is time to face reality? I am weak…