I use to be a smoker. As we started counting down to midnight on the 31st of December 2009 I puffed away at my very last cigarette. I started 2010 as a non-smoker and thankfully have never touched the stuff again. I started gaining weight slowly and consistently ever since I stopped smoking and although I gave a feeble attempt at managing / loosing weight I never really made a big enough effort. Instead I replaced my smoking addiction with a food dependency. Eventually I got to a point when I considered joining an organisation such as overeaters anonymous. K thought I was mad, but that was the moment I realised I was treading in deep waters.
In May this year I decided to do something about it. I joined Weight Watchers in May and started eating according to the low carb high fat principles in July. I have never looked back, until a week ago.
For the past month I’ve been studying for exams. I used to managed my exams stress by snacking. Even in the dieting seasons of life, would try and keep the snacks healthier, like popcorn and wine gums for example. Last month my aim was to cross the halfway weight-loss goal. I managed to get 200 grams away from my goal, but ultimately October wasn’t a month I managed to loose any weight.
Naturally I knew what the problem was. The only thing that had changed from previous months, were the snacking. Sure I’ve been snacking on banting approved food for the month. But this all leads to consuming too many calories, which leads to weight gain (worst case). Thankfully I managed to maintain my weight but I ultimately realised that even after four months of following the banting lifestyle, I can still not say I am free from a food dependency.
That is a scary thought!
The last exam I wrote I focussed solely on eating when I was hungry and avoiding the constant snacking. The results were shocking – I was a tense ball of stress with a back full of knots. I was shaking the morning of my exam, despite attending a Pilates class early that morning. I am writing my last exam for the semester on Wednesday and I have made it my goal to try and find a balance between comfort eating and completely discipline.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Weight-loss is a journey. And I think being completely healed from any addiction or dependency comes with time, grace and discipline.
What I think I’ve learnt from this whole experience, is that addiction is real. And even though you are at a good place in your life and free of any form of addiction, it can creep / creep back into your life without your realising it. We need to be diligent in protecting and praying against any form of addiction – for ourselves; our partners and our kids.
Have you ever had to deal with any form of addiction in your life? How did you do it?