As women we face many challenges. Look I am not saying men don’t face any challenges. I am simply saying I am familiar with the challenges of a woman, because I happen to be one. Most of the time anyway.
Every person’s journey is different. In high school I thought I would become a hippy, travel the world and live a simple and carefree life. I was intrigued by the arts and I kind of thought my existence would revolve around the arts.
That was until I fell pregnant at the age of 19.
I grew up very quickly. Started my first proper job and entered the mundane life of the working class. I was living from hand to mouth, as I stressed about finances. My hippy dreams of dance and music were quickly replaced with the reality of our existence.
I sought the security of a partner. What I wanted more than anything else, was to be comforted in the knowledge that I wasn’t in this alone.
I settled for a good man
That is what my ex is. He is a good person, that cares about people. He loves deeply, with lots of emotion, but it wasn’t enough for me. I needed someone who could acknowledge the truth and live in truth, someone who was willing to go places – both physically and spiritually – with me.
He couldn’t and he can’t and that is where we are right now. I’m giving him six months to get his life in order and become who I need him to be. I guess it is a bit unfair of me, because although I am giving him six months, we both know, he cannot be what I need him to be.
Road to singledom
Urban Dictionary defines singledom as someone who is single, similar to freedom. I like that definition, but let me tell you, it isn’t easy and it isn’t nice. I’ve written about the roller-coaster I find myself on, here. The guilt has eaten me alive. Guilt over leaving my husband and even more guilt over raising my kids without their father. I haven’t written about the loneliness. We’ve become acquaintances. The emotional eating is another topic I will be writing about thoroughly! The eating is total madness and complete insanity.
My Stage: Brokenness
The truth is, this is hard. Beyond doubt harder than I thought it would be. I choose to do it right, I will be broken, in pieces, irreparable for this season of my life. My desire is to feel deep and hard. I will to grow through the pain and become okay with my brokenness because I want to be wholehearted.
I want to bring an offering to my God, with the fragrance of my sorrow.
During my stage of Brokenness, I also want to celebrate womanhood. I want to share real experiences with my sisters and I want us to do life together.
Will you join me in this journey?