I have been on quite a journey the last couple of months. The last piece of the puzzle fell into place couple of weeks ago and had to do with validating your worth.
The meaning of validation
According to Google, to validate something is to “check or prove the validity or accuracy thereof.” And even though there isn’t anything wrong with checking your worth – we are inheriting ignorant humans, who try and validate our worth against what the world perceives as a norm or standard.
I have been on a journey where my destructive habits were getting the better of me. I had to confront my fears and learn how defining or labelling emotions helps me cope with what was happening in my life.
If there is one thing I am confident in, it’s the knowledge that I cannot do it, in or through myself!
Even after I realigned my head and heart I realised I was still operating in a state of fear, fear I was completely unaware of.
Validating your Worth
Validating your worth is a concept that is ingrained in me. I am always busy adding value, not because I have to, but because I want to.
Let me use an example – I’ve completed my honours degree in industrial psychology, instead of just waiting a couple of years, until Oli’s a bit bigger and I can focus on my master’s degree, I have decided to enrol for a post-graduate certificate in education.
Did I really have to enrol for another qualification? No. Was there a part of me, that enrolled, because I felt the need to validate my worth? If I am being very honest – of course! At the moment, I feel like a bit of a failure! I have come so far, and it seems like my last option is to give up on my dream of becoming an industrial psychologist. So instead of dealing with the hurt and anger, I push myself harder and try something different.
Essentially, I am doing the right thing for the wrong reason!
My studies were one example, but relationships are another area where we (and here I mean, I) validate our worth. We’re so busy being functional and even helpful, validating our worth, to recognise that we are loved.
We don’t have to add any value, the relationships that really matter, are the ones where we can simply be.
I am so blessed to learn this lesson – coming out of an abusive relationship and a divorce and really doing life with a person where I am enough!
It’s been so much harder to write this post than I thought it would be. I am 100% I will still try and validate my worth in every relationship I have, but I’m going to remind myself, daily, that there’s no need to validate my worth.
My worth is found in my creator. He knows how I have been woven together, He understands my thinking and He wants to have an intimate relationship with me! It’s crazy and it’s true!
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
Initially, my thinking regarding this song was about redeeming lives. The fact that He comes after me, to save me. But the more I get to know this God, the more I realise, He isn’t only interested in saving me – He is interested in knowing me intimately. He is interested in breaking down every lie I believe here and now, that stands between us. He is interested in empowering me, to be who He has created me to be, in order for me to stand in my full potential.
And while I don’t understand the mystery of why He values me as much as He does, I marvel in it.
Here’s the thing, I don’t know how to write about self-worth without incorporating God. I don’t know how someone exists without Him, outside of Him. Even when I write in such a way to keep this blog secular and open to all readers regardless of religious preference, I know, that this right here, isn’t a religious preference. It is a real relationship! One that I neglect and take for granted.
At the end of it all, there is no I without Him, there is no worth outside of Him. He created me for His pleasure and then gave me the ability to choose. I choose Him!