A colleague who’s divorce is still pretty recent, opened up to me about a year ago, saying he found it extremely difficult to drop the kids off, after a weekend, especially when the kids were finding it hard to say goodbye to him. I remember the raw emotions, the vulnerability in opening up and I felt so proud of him for saying something.
He has only ever opened up once. Nowadays, he doesn’t say much, so I’ll ask how his boys are and we move on from there.
I celebrated my first birthday as a newly single person on Wednesday. The day for the most part, was overwhelmingly special. Considerate friends, thoughtful gifts and kind, gentle words. But for some reason it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I was super emotional, even when I had very few expectations for the day.
This same colleague popped around on Thursday to chat, say happy birthday or whatever. I was busy with a trainee, so we didn’t really chat and I suppose, even if we did, I wouldn’t be able to word myself in the open-plan office that I share with my team, but I kept wanting to know, if it was meant to be such an emotional day.
When does it get easier?
I thought about it long and hard on my drive home. I didn’t want to come across as needy or weak (how stupid?) and I didn’t want to lead him on. I didn’t want to be fix. I just wanted to know if and when it would get easier. Puzzled about it, I pushed the thought out of my mind and continued through the afternoon and evening. At some point in time, I thought of asking the guys and girls in the bible study group I attend, the question and nearly immediately dismissed the idea. I didn’t want some biblical answer – mainly because I knew the biblical answer.
I wanted to know the answer in plain words.
Late Thursday evening, I plucked up the courage and sent a single question, via Facebook messenger asking: “When does it get easier?” I didn’t think I would get an immediate response and I didn’t think the words would be as profound as they were:
In all honestly, I didn’t even consider the loneliness. Perhaps I was used to it already? The last year of my marriage prepared me for the loneliness.