Does the current lockdown environment leave you feeling less than true to yourself?
The last four months have forced me to evaluate the person I am and the things I want for the future.
Life has changed and for a split second (in the larger scheme of things), the pace has been so slow, that the thought of returning to a rat-race has me feeling anxious.
Feeling Like a Failure
As a person working in the tourism sector, I’ve been on edge, expectantly waiting for things to return to the “new normal”. I have also fought against personalizing the title of “temporarily laid off” by soothing my own ego.
In my Career
I’ve tried to find innovative ways to start a business; grow a business or find the next best thing to do with my time, skills, and resources, sadly without any luck.
The endless hours redoing basic housework chores, like doing the dish; washing; cleaning, and cooking has had me at my wits end! Not to mention the endless hours of disinfecting all things and the wearing of masks.
Managing the schoolwork; emotions and justified frustrations of a teen and tween make me feel ill-equipped as a parent.
Building irritation levels and worries about finances has made me feel like a selfish and ungrateful wife.
Here’s what I have learned:
Sadly, our occupation, whether we are employed and what we do for a living becomes a great deal of how we define and identify ourselves.
However, none of these things truly mean anything when we find ourselves at a really low, low. The honest truth is, that I have felt uninspired and downright useless in the past couple of months.
The more I tried to be okay, the less it seemed to work.
Being True to Yourself
The simple acknowledgment that I’m not okay, made all the difference.
Once I labeled the fact that I felt useless at everything that has given me comfort and a sense of purpose in the past, I was able to see the truth.
What I Felt
The truth is I felt inadequate.
The beauty in acknowledging the truth of how I feel brings an incredible amount of understanding of who I am.
Versus The Truth
I am capable and resourceful.
I am loved as a mother and wife. Valued as a friend. My family laughs at my jokes. And I am downright good at my job!
True to Yourself
Covid-19; lockdown and the economic climate in South Africa will not rob you of your true self unless you allow it to. It is time to cultivate the meaning of authenticity in pursuit of being true to yourself.
It is time to rise up and be who you were created to be.
(Un)Fortunately, this is a process of discovery, something that cannot be rushed because of time or crush with ambition.
It is a journey of self-discovery. An exercise in faith and meditative process.
I have felt quite a bit of anger; resentment and betrayal in the past four months. These prominent emotions have eaten me up inside and left me feeling lifeless.
The Strategy going Forward
1. Prayer & Journaling
I’ve mentioned the “Switch on Your Brain” detox practice to change my thinking in the past, however, never fully elaborated on it. The long and the short (for now) is that a simple 5 step daily practice and help you get rid of toxic thoughts, like feeling useless.
I’ve started the practice in last week and will publish a full post on my findings and practice.
2. Penciling in Tasks & Activities
Completing a task, even if it is simply to change the bed linen feels like a massive win at the moment.
To build on this simple victory masked in a little activity, I will focus on jotting down tasks and marking them complete in my Bujo.
3. Quality Time
Spend time with people who speak creativity into your life. I’ve noticed in lockdown, that it is easy to spend time with people around you – the truth is, right now, we don’t need quantity. We need quality.
The best advice I can give, is to think of ways to speak life and creativity into a friend’s life. It is contagious, before you know it, the whines of our current reality will make space for some inspiring brainstorming.
Cultivate a Meaningful Life
All in all, I have come to realize, that this little journey of self-discovery, is something I need to invest in. It is something I want to pursue on a practical level. It’s a journey I want to share and something I know many of us need right now in this season.
For this simple reason, I have decided to shift the aim of this blog? The days of being a mom-blogger are long gone. So too are the days of wondering what I’m supposed to do with this space.
Please let me know in the comments below whether this is something you would be interested in reading about? Which elements of the process intrigues you the most?